So the title caught your attention?!!
Before beginning let me just get my own personal disclaimer out of the way.
I've had pre-marital sex on more than one occasion; and a few more after that. Who are we kidding? So have most people.
You don't believe me?
Okay here's a stat for you.
Over 95% of people in the US have had pre-marital sex.
I'd love to know what the stat is for Nigeria but I suspect we don't have such stats here. Actually let me do a quick search.
Ahh! I was wrong to assume.
Although not quite what I was looking for, I was able to find some stats of sorts.
- 14.24 % have had sex before the age of 14
- 84% have had sex before the age of 20
Didn't find much on the older generation, but I strongly suspect it isn't too far away from the 84% category.
So this piece is for most if not ALL of us.
Generally speaking I agree that it's better to wait until you're either married or in that relationship that will stand the various tests of time.
My reasons?
1. Sex tends to cloud one's judgement.
You can be with someone that is so obviously not right for you, but because the sex is so great you believe that somehow every thing will turn out just dandy in the end.
Unfortunately this particular challenge is further exacerbated by the ideal of 'no sex before marriage', as it puts further pressure on that all encompassing end game of 'marriage'; especially in 'religious' and 'judgmental' (they go together) societies like Nigeria.
But here's a question;
If 'marriage' was no longer the end game would ladies still bother to use their sexual powers to seduce those eligible / eligible'ish bachelors?
2. Children
It is grossly unfair on children for us to have casual sex if we have absolutely no plan or desire to take responsibility for the children that may come as a result of our actions.
But in a era of all manner of contraceptives this reason is fast becoming more and more outdated.
3. Promotes better morals.
In so much as I truly believe this, I can't help thinking - 'does it really though? Or has the notion of 'no sex before marriage' simply encouraged society to be even more promiscuous, as a result of been forced to go below the radar so to speak.
In truth I much prefer the notion of waiting. Not that I've been able to abide by it often. But still, I do believe it's the better option, and I strongly admire those who are genuinely able to keep their trousers / skirts tightly zipped up/ un-hitched until after they say 'I Do'.
But I still can't help wondering whether this notion is somewhat outdated.
A search through the bible reveals that most biblical characters, particularly in the old testament, tended to have sex first, and then marry. So was long lasting union their intention all along? Or were they forced to because it was the norm, decent, and expected thing to do?
Has the pressure or expectation to not have sex before marriage actually resulted in a 'curiosity killed the cat' syndrome? In other words the more we tell ourselves we mustn't do it, and the more we are told not to do it, the more likely we are to do it.
Furthermore in my view, in religious, and thereby judgmental societies such as Nigeria this high expectation has done nothing more than to foster new and unparalleled levels of hypocrisy.
So maybe we should take the 'religion' out of it.
For by doing that we also take out the shame and condemnation; and maybe as a result of that, those curious and strong desires might not be so powerful anymore.
In other words rather than looking at this matter from a 'religious' point of view, we should look at it from a 'common sense' point of view.
A female friend of mine said to me recently;
"I tend to avoid sex before marriage; not because it might be a sin or anything; but unless I'm dead serious about the person, it's simply pointless. It will just lead to unnecessary complications and the likelihood of someone getting hurt. "
I can't help but feel that maybe this is a much better way of looking at it; as against putting pressure on ourselves by constantly telling ourselves we must abstain because it is a sin.
I read an interesting piece by a Christian female writer on this particular topic a few days ago.
She wrote;
"Maybe rather than telling ourselves over and over again that we must not have sex before marriage because it is a sin, we should simply ask ourselves this simple question - 'do I want to spend the rest of my life with this person?'"
It's possible that by being less 'sin' conscious we'll be wiser in our actions.
God doesn't encourage us to wait because He's a boring spoilsport. I believe He just wants us to avoid unnecessary mistakes, pain, and untold grief.
